We are not currently hiring.
We have never been currently hiring. Gary has worked here since 1973 and shows no signs of stopping. Dolores worked the register every Saturday for twenty-two years. Before her, Harold's cousin Richie handled receiving for eleven months before moving to Peoria for reasons he has never fully explained. That is the complete employment history of the Plaid Pants Emporium.
If Gary ever leaves — and he won't — we will post a notice in the Macomb Journal, as God and Harold intended.
However. Since you are clearly a person of initiative and demonstrably good taste in footwear, we feel you deserve something for your trouble.
Harold selected this personally. He said it captures "the energy of a man who knows what he wants and commits to it fully." We did not argue with him.